I believe we often expect without understanding when — and when not — to do so.
Expectations are powerful because they bring predictability. And predictability, in turn, drives efficiency. As we know from experience, high efficiency leads to faster growth and improved quality of results.
But misplaced expectations can be equally damaging. Imagine building a world around the assumption that certain events will fall into place — you invest your time, effort, and emotion, but the expected actions never happen. The result? Wasted energy, missed goals, and the creeping feeling of demotivation.
So how do we harness the benefits of expectations without falling prey to their pitfalls?
I think the key lies in control — specifically, the level of control we have over the system or individual we’re expecting something from.
Put simply:
Expect only from what you can control.
And if you want to expect something from a system, first work to gain control over it.
Under this lens, the best and most reliable subject we can expect from is ourselves — because, ideally, we have the highest degree of control over our own thoughts and actions. But even this is easier said than done. Many people struggle to control themselves due to compulsions, addictions, or harmful habits. When we lose control over ourselves, we also lose the right to place expectations on our own performance. Thus, control over our mind and body is both the first and final fortress we must defend.
Once self-mastery is in place, we can expand our control outward — into our careers, relationships, and broader systems. And as that control matures, we earn the right to set expectations in those areas — leading to better predictability, better collaboration, and ultimately, more growth.
PS: The word “control” can sometimes sound harsh or negative. To clarify — I don’t think that control always should be achieved through dominative actions. It is rather simpler and more energy efficient to build control based on understanding, alignment, and skillful positioning — the ability to take the right actions because you deeply understand the system or person involved.
Modern geopolitics offers a great example. While wars still occur, they often result in lose-lose outcomes. On the other hand, diplomacy — when done well — can lead to win-win situations, creating more sustainable and meaningful control over complex global dynamics.
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